I cracked up reading the list of 10 movies that are classified as “Unintentional Horror” at theawl.com.
Rather than slashers, serial killers, or demon babies, the truly horrifying movies, argues writer Melissa Lafsky, are the ones that can inspire existential dread. Take, for example, her views on “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” which comes in at No. 2 on the list:
Guess what? Everything you ever feared about the innate shallowness of human beings is true. No matter how beguiling, brilliant and charismatic you may be, the world will nevertheless judge you on a set of genetic factors over which you have absolutely no control. All that crap about “inner beauty” and “gorgeous personality” is, quite simply, an elephantine crock. You may have spent decades cultivating chemical magnetism and tender compassion and a rapier wit and a laugh that shoots beams of charm from your soul—but if you do not look like the chromosomal mix of Rita Hayworth and a pound of IF-grade diamonds, all that character and spirit will not matter for shit. Men/women will not approach you, they will not notice you and they will likely not respect you. And if you do manage to land the hot English photographer on the basis of said personality alone, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering if he/she is plotting to trade up. Bow before the power of the Pretty, and be horrified. (For a joy-destroying double feature, watch this one back-to-back with No. 2)
(No. 2 is “Pretty Woman”)
Here’s Part One of the list. And here’s Part Two. Be afraid.