Talking animals a Christmas miracle? Try singing animals!

Who here knows the legend of animals being given the gift of speech at midnight on Christmas Eve — allegedly to reward them for giving up their manger (and the rest of the barn) to the newborn Jesus.

I find it kind of odd that this legend seems to have floated along, under the radar, and isn’t more of a main myth every Christmas. Every child wants to wait up and catch Santa delivering presents, but no one wants to have a chat with Fluffy?

Anyway, this adorable compilation of singing animals was sent to me by Kent. I do not think I can improve on his explanation, which went thus:

Merry Absurd Χριστός-mas, Granty. ooo Kent And Ally. After extensive review, I have found that the x’s might be kisses and the o’s might be hugs. So just hugs to you, or kisses, take it however you like. Also, xxx might have been misleading. So yeah, back to the point, I just showed you why they call it X-mas, in a long winded, roundabout way.

Happy Caturday, Kent and everyone!

And now, here is a picture of a monkey riding a goat

That is all.

(via BoingBoing)

What’s worse than bears? Bears with kung-fu

I wouldn’t, if I were you, show this video to Stephen Colbert, who has a notorious hatred of all things ursine.

Thanks to my friend Ryan for linking me this. He claims that he thought nothing could make him more afraid of bears. I think it’s kind of cute to see an animal playing around. As martial as it looks, this is no Kung Fu Panda.

The natural world — not good, not bad, just indifferent

I’ve just finished reading a wonderful essay that I think you should all go and check out here.

Half book review, half something more, Mark Dery riffs on a book by Gordon Grice, “Deadly Kingdom: The Book of Dangerous Animals”. It’s an entertaining and thoughtful essay on its own, but it also makes me really want to read the book, too.

Dery starts with a hint at the animal nature of mankind:

Do you, like me, rejoice in the knowledge that you could eat an adult mouse whole, if you wanted to? …. The rodent’s bones are “no more troublesome than those of a catfish.” In medieval England … “a mouse on toast was thought to cure colds.”

But he quickly segues into the corrolary: if humans are animals, then animals are not human — and investing animals with anthropomorphic desires and motivations doesn’t help anyone.

Grice does an end run around the Free Willy/Jaws binary, the culture/nature version of the virgin/whore dualism. “I often read accounts that point out what the human victim did ‘wrong’ before she was attacked by a bear or a shark,” he writes. “Many writers depict virtually all animal attacks as ‘provoked’ by the victim.” (The blame-the-victim rape narrative, transposed into the key of When Animals Attack.) “On the other side, some writers are at pains to paint dangerous animals as monsters of cruelty.”

In truth, he suggests, nature isn’t so much malevolent as indifferent.

The indifference often lends itself to misinterpretation, but any “meaning” comes straight from human perception, both Dery and Grice suggest.

The essay is nice — but it’s filled with so many grace notes that are lifted straight from Grice’s book, that I’m desperate to read it, too. Dery seems in love with Grice’s writing, as well, saying it’s as if “Cormac McCarthy turned his hand to nature writing.” High praise, but it seems appropriate, with passages like these:

With grim relish, Grice tells of a toddler “whose mother smeared his hand with honey so that she could shoot video of him playing with a black bear. It ate his hand.” (That’s a Grice signature: the devastating punchline, a short, sharp , declarative sentence that serves as a kind of a black-comedy rimshot.)

We learn that a grizzly can fit a human head into its mouth: “If the person is lucky, the skull slides out like a pinched marble.” (Like his noir forebear, Raymond Chandler, Grice has a nice way with the simile.)

Sure, books like these can seem somewhat voyeuristic — mainly, we’re reading for the frisson of the macabre — but this one seems particularly well-done. And Dery’s essay is nicely done as well.

I particularly enjoyed the clever touch of ending with a mirror image of the beginning. Sure, it’s no trouble for a human to eat a mouse. So what kind of trouble does a human pose to a grizzly?

Happy Mother’s Day, to all members of the animal kingdom

Mother’s Day has a long, varied history but it’s modern incarnation seems sometimes to be invented by the greeting card companies.

Nevertheless, the sentiment it honours — familial and especially maternal love — is true. And, as this photo gallery on National Geographic shows, it’s not just in the human species that offspring and mothers share a special bond.

Here’s a wolf with her cubs, for example:

Awwwww. See the whole gallery here, where you can download all the shots as desktop backgrounds.

A dog and his deer

This is so cute — a deer, adopted as a fawn by a family who found it malnourished, but managed to bottle-feed it back to health, has developed a friendly, playful attitude with the family’s dog.

According to the YouTube description:

He is free to wander if he likes and we’ve seen him with several herds of whitetail and axis deer. Apparently he fits in just fine with them. He frequently comes back to the house to eat some catfood and play with our dog, Buddy. He doesn’t care much for deer corn.

All together, now: “Awwwwww.”

These monkeys have never had Jell-o before

Here’s a cute video of spider monkeys being given a special treat — Jell-o with blueberries inside it. Yes, apparently everyone’s grandmother now cooks for the spider monkeys at the Bronx Zoo.
According to the YouTube video description, the hidden blueberries help to stimulate the monkeys’ foraging instinct, which is kind of cool.

I wonder if that’s why my mom never put coins inside my birthday cakes when I asked. All that mumbo-jumbo about metal leaching out, I could have used a “but this will develop my foraging instinct” rejoinder.

Amazingly cute dolphin behaviour

I was enthralled by this video:

But not only is it ridiculously cute, it’s incredible that, as they say near the end, even after 35 years of having dolphins at Sea World, they’re still finding things out.

And never mind learning things about dolphins — what about the dolphins themselves learning? This appears to be newly invented behaviour on their part.

So cool

The most irreverent thing you will see all day

Cute red Panda right? No, he's just a sneaky jerk-off.

Cute red Panda right? No, he's just a sneaky jerk-off.

I came across a hilarious blog today: Fuck You, Penguin.

The whole premise, basically, is to “tell cute animals what’s what.”

The blogger simply posts pictures of adorable animals, and proceeds to eviscerate them for no discernible reason.

And it’s hilarious.

Like this one.

Check it out!